She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
