I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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