I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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