I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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