I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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