so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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