Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
