while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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