Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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