I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
