you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
