whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
