My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
