OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
