So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
