we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
