just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
