Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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