help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
