so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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