just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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