the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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