turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is the high leading the old right now
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
