By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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