My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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