Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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