its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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