Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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