my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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