I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize