This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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