i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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