The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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