Welp...herpes.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize