4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
