We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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