how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
