I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize