I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
