I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
