it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
where am i from again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
