New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
