Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
