My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
