so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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