My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
