if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
