I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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