I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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