oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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