Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
