Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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