I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
