I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize