mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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