When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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