I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
