it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
