but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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