Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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