everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
