My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
