Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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