Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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