I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
