I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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