I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
