she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
