I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
