speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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