Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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