sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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