You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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