Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
