He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize