so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
