Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize